Turn WiFi signals into spatial intelligence. Detect people, measure breathing and heart rate, track movement, and monitor rooms — through walls, in the dark, with no cameras. Just radio physics. WiFi signals bounce off people. When someone breathes, their chest moves the air, which subtly changes the WiFi signal. When they walk, the changes are bigger. This model learned to read those changes from a $9 ESP32 chip. The v1 contrastive encoder shipped with a flat training loss (every epoch logged the same 0.13517 — the optimizer was not actually learning), and its headline "100% presence accuracy" was measured on a single-class recording (an overnight capture of one sleeping person: 6,062 of…